My wife and I (30m/f) have a couple (30m/f) we’re very close friends with. We’ve gone out plenty of times, spent lots of time travelling together, we were getting along really well.
Recently they’ve gone a little bit quiet, so a few days ago I invited my friend (the husband) over to my house for a drink and he soon told me what’s been going on. His wife was recently going distant and going out with “her friends” a lot, but never wanted to take him with her. Started hiding her phone and texting someone all the time.
He confronted her and she told him after some time that she was not happy with him and that she fell in love with a coworker that she has more in common with. The worst part is that she didn’t even stop doing that after he learned what is going on. They have a long mortgage together that they signed recently and now my friend basically moved out. He is obviously completely devastated, we did have a good time and I managed to take his mind off of it here and there, but I could see he was just so sad in between.
I hope they manage to go through this somehow, but it doesn’t look very good if his wife continues to spend time with her new guy. I thought I knew her well and I never even imagined her doing something like this, I was shocked when I learned about it, I can’t even imagine what my friend is going through.
I feel so bad for him, obviously I heard only his side of the story but I have no reason to doubt it. I assured him that he can always call me and talk if he needs to, he told me that he’s also seeing a psychologist to help him cope with all of that (and I am very glad he does). I don’t know what else I can do for him, though.
EDIT:
Thanks for the responses guys. I’ve talked some more to my friend, sent him The 180 that a few people recommended.
I asked him why he didn’t make her move out, he said that he doesn’t really care where he lives, wants to give her time as “she does not know if she want to be with him or the other guy” and he loves her and is willing to forgive her. I tried to talk some sense into him, as it’s pretty obvious from a neutral standpoint that what she’s doing is completely unacceptable and he’s just letting her do it without any real consequences, which is also terrible. I explained it to him but in the end he told me he’s going to handle things his way (but he will look into the 180). Obviously this is his life and there are a lot of things in play, like his personality, which cannot be changed so easily by anyone, so there is a point where I won’t be arguing with him over his decisions. However I explained to him how I view the situation, and I agree with the comments saying he is a bit of a pushover in this.
aradhergon
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This is exactly the kind of behavior I just can’t understand. Why risk everything you have for an affair? A fake relation with no future that will end just as it begun and when reality hits, it will be too late. I feel bad for your friend pal, even with psychological help it will be quite difficult to overcome the treason, the feel of inferiority, the lack of self esteem. Keep in touch with him and listen all he has to say, that’s the way you can help him for now.
NreoDarknight21
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I agree, and I think you should keep your wife away from the friend as well. He is pretty vulnerable right now and if not careful, he could cost you your own marriage as well. At the very least, do not let him move in with you nor let you and/or your wife be alone with neither of them for the time being.