A woman went looking for advice from Redditors on how to deal with her non-committal boyfriend, whom she was battling when he insisted he become the beneficiary to her inheritance.
This woman shares the disagreement started when the man learned if she dies, that the home, owned by her where they both live, would go to her parents.
The author explains she was uncomfortable “tying him” to her finances without being married, which triggered his temper. But, the story takes a shocking turn…
About three years ago, a woman in her 30s shared her relationship woes on Reddit, hoping to find some advice on how to deal with a troubling situation.
Providing some background information, the original poster (OP) says her boyfriend of three years has been living with her, in the home she purchased before they met, for 18 months.
She explains she saved $42,000 for the down payment, which is now equity “that he had no part of.”
Every month, her boyfriend (also in his 30s) pays $400 towards her monthly mortgage of $1200, while she covers the rest.
“We are both in our 30s, happy, and talk about how this is it for us, relationship-wise. We are in it for the long haul.” She continues, “Only problem: he does not want to get married, and I really do. Marriage is important to me. We have had a lot of talks recently and his vibe is somewhere between ‘not ready’ and ‘commitment as far as marriage is stupid so why bother.’”
Compromising her wants, she adds that because she loves him enough, she’ll “take marriage off the table.”
Mourning ‘in style’
Trouble started brewing when the OP was going through her insurance paperwork and made a joke that in case of an accidental death, her parents can mourn her “in style.”
She writes, “my parents are going to be really comfortable if I die, especially in an accident. They can mourn me in style…”
Her boyfriend then suggested she change her insurance to name him as the beneficiary, so he could mourn her death in style.
She writes, “I said NO. Absolutely not. I told him that I would never make anyone who isn’t blood or legal family my beneficiary. I said I would add him in the future if one day he decided he wanted marriage with me but as it stands now my insurance will remain as is.”
Stressing that she bought the house before they even met, she adds “I would never add him to the title without marriage.”
Offended by her refusal to change the title of the house, her boyfriend called her an “a*****e” and accused her of “holding marriage as a ‘bargaining chip.”
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She adds, “We never have to get married, but I am not comfortable tying him to my finances without being married.”
Begging for advice, the OP asks Redditors what she should do.
“If you’re going to buy property together, join bank accounts, and act like you’re married you might as well get married so there’s a clear-cut way to untangle everything if you split,” writes one netizen.
Summing up the majority or comments, one user writes, “If marriage is just a piece of paper, so is a title deed to a property.”
Taking a hike
Days later, after thanking Redditors for the advice, the OP shared an update, explaining that her boyfriend tried to pass his request to be named in her insurance as a “joke.”
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“He said he really did think I was going off about all that in retaliation for his ‘no to marriage’ talks…He said I didn’t have to put him on anything, but he needs me to understand that I am it for him. He wants to make his life with me.”
Though his motives seemed questionable, the author said the pair were working on getting past their disagreements.
Spending a nice weekend together, the two went on a hike and reaching some waterfalls, he pulled out an envelope and put it in her hands.
“I open it and it’s a receipt from a jewelry store. I was confused but I see he had the date of purchase highlighted and circled with a heart – it was early August (before the talks we had where he said he never wanted to get married).” She continues, “I turn and there he is with a ring. I said ‘yes.’”
With the extra money he had from his reduced cost of housing, her fiancé had been saving to buy the ring since he moved into her home. In an effort to keep his plans a secret, he over-exaggerated the insurance discussion, to keep his trail cold.
“He said he knew I would never believe that he had the ring before all this without the receipt. …he wanted an autumn proposal in a beautiful location since it’s my favorite season.”
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“When we get married we will add each other as beneficiaries on our insurance policies. And we decided there’s no need to put him on my title even after we get married.”
Meanwhile, most Redditors were breathing a sigh of relief.
“Oh man, what a bumbling way to hide a proposal. This will make a great story down the line though and I bet you two will laugh about it quite a bit. Glad it worked out,” writes one cybernaut. A second shares, “Oh my god this story was adorable and the bf was stupid and adorable.”
One user disagrees and said the situation should have been handled in a more “mature” way.
“I didn’t think it was adorable… it’s sh—y and stupid. Mature people should talk out their marriage plans in advance. How you propose can be a surprise…the fact that you are going to propose should never be a surprise.”
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